So I went to the hospital, to emergency, and I had to wait for at least 6 hours, or it could have been 60
years. And finally one of the Nurses spoke to me and she said “What seems to be the problem?” I said, “My heart. I think it’s broken.”
And suddenly I was surrounded by Nurses and they started shouting out “Stat! Stat! Lady here with a broken heart! Stat!”
And they called out “Quick! Get the cart! Get the cart!”
And they put me on a gurney and wheeled me so fast through all the corridors and the Nurses all surrounded me like white clouds speaking in acerbic tones of comfort.
“Oh, honey. You hang in there. We are not going to lose you. We are not!”
“Quick, get the cart!”
And they brought the cart of wine and cheese.
Then they took an x-ray of my heart.
We could clearly see the fractures.
Not a clean break, unfortunately. It’s a compound fracture.
And then they put a cast on my heart.
And I walk around like this now: “Oh! Be careful! My heart!”
“Oh, yeah, gee, I didn’t see your cast. Sorry!”
“Oh, that’s OK.”
Which is great.
And if you get a broken heart, go to the hospital from now on and demand they put you on the heart attack ward, because how else does the heart get broken?
And if it’s really bad, they can put you on life support for a while, just for a while.
And take painkillers, too.
Advil. You take one Advil in the morning when you wake up and one at night just before you start to drink wine.