it becomes a bit of a slog, sometimes, being the single person during the holidays. during this time of year i feel, as must every other single, as if i am the only one in all the world. the only single, ever.
most events, especially those for new year’s eve, are marketed for pairings of two. this year i debated buying myself two tickets to the dinner i really want to attend. i could eat twice as much. drink twice as much. take turns sitting opposite myself. toast myself. bring two outfits.
all of my happily and unhappily paired friends, of course, are always inclusive with their plans. oh, me and him, and him and her, and him and him, are booked in for dinner, and you are most welcome to join! but i can never shake the feeling that i am being tucked in at the kiddies table: the place for the cat ladies, maidenly aunts, and toddlers. i hate toddlers. they’re so childish.
the step ladder i used when hanging my drapes has been sitting in the living room for over a month, so yesterday i decorated it, in lieu of a tree. this year i have a yuletide step-ladder. when i rise in the morning, traipse downstairs, make myself my morning coffee and sit in my old archie bunker chair, i really enjoy the fact that i have a yuletide step-ladder.
but then i began to wonder if i am, in fact, a yuletide step-ladder. a quirky kind of misfit. is it wrong to wear a mistletoe headband and hang about the grocery store in trembling anticipation?
and it isn’t about being the single. being the single is fine and dandy. it’s really more about the extreme commercialism that somehow seems to miss the fact that “the singles” exist. it’s about the jewelry store ads. must i go to the jewelry store, buy myself a bauble, wrap it, then get on bended knee and present it to myself? but wait! maybe i can do that at new year’s eve when i have dinner with myself. i can get on bended knee in the crowded restaurant, propose to myself, say yes, (or no, who knows.) and everyone will look on and applaud. (or commiserate, depending on what the answer turns out to be.)
it’s about all the ads which seem to think that everyone has a happy family, no one gets drunk, the tree never falls over, all the prezzies appear beneath the tree magically wrapped and the credit card never spontaneously bursts into flames. everyone’s in love, no one has a broken heart and no one’s out of a job. where are all the ads with the real people in them?
in my ad, the single lady awakes, traipses downstairs to make the morning coffee. she discovers that she is out of cream. the cats roll around on the floor howling with starvation because even though the bowl is full of dry food, the single lady is all out of the good cracking wet stuff. the lady considers whether to get dressed but throws caution to the wind, shoving bare feet into boots, hoping the nighty gown doesn’t hang down (too far) beneath the winter coat, falls flat on her arse on the way to the corner store and once there discovers she has forgotten to bring her debit card. lady trudges home. lady trudges back to store. upon arriving back at home lady discovers that wonderful neighbour has shovelled and salted her driveway! that’s my kind of christmas gift! that’s my kind of ad.
for the party of one, there are dreaded questions, no matter how high one’s own esteem of oneself. “what did you get?” (it’s really difficult to surprise oneself with gifts unless skilled at shopping when loaded.) “how’s your love life?” (singles need to retaliate and start asking the marrieds “when is the last time you had sex?”) “when are you going to find yourself a good man?” (no thanks, i prefer to stick to the bad ones.) “would you like to meet my cousin when he gets out?” (hmmm….)
i have had an amazing year, filled with highs and lows. i am grateful to my core. for those of us who are the singles, sometimes we chose it that way, sometimes it turned out that way. sometimes a brandy in front of the telly watching “dial m for murder” is perfect. sometimes when i contemplate ringing the place where i want to spend new year’s eve and booking a ticket for one i feel a little sad. but maybe they have a table there built for the singles.
it could be a party of ones.
keithpike says
I LOVE IT !
BEEN THERE DONE THAT !
NEVER DID GET THE TEE SHIRT !
thanks, berni.
Wanda Lundrigan says
Great post! I would like to add that singles get a bad break at potlucks and dinner parties! Not only do we depend on one income but we have to bring a dish and a bottle of wine to a potluck, while the “pairs” get away with a 2 for 1 deal!
Randal Wheeler says
Oh Bernie, that’s terrific. And can I ever relate ! Every year, I think “maybe this year I’ll have somewhere to go and someone to go with on New Year’s Eve”. Yeah…uh-huh. We are obviously under-appreciated !! Take care ! xo
Berni Stapleton says
i was a trifle hesitant about posting it but after speaking with a young friend of mine she convinced me that a lot of folks feel the same!
Debbie Morrissey Stafford says
I could not have said it better myself Bernie…loved it..I am also a party of one….maybe we should form a party of one club for next year…lol..Hugs….
Berni Stapleton says
i really think we should! i’m all for it.
Berni Stapleton says
gwen, decorate that step ladder!
Shelly says
Im a party of one and tired of sitting home alone on new year’s….do anyone know of any events in the city that are not just for couples?
Tied of not celebrating cause I choose to be single.
Pat Doyle says
Bernie, this is so so on the mark. Even though I am no longer alone, I have been alone during the holidays, once or twice when I was not alone if you know what I mean. Not sure which is worse. Thanks so much for this insightful piece.
Kathleen Dwyer says
Love this Berni!! I was a one for many years and can totally relate. Wonderful post!! Merry Christmas ??
Margaret March says
Thank you for this post! I am dealing with Christmas as a single but by a different circumstance. I lost my husband of 25 years in an accident two years ago. Even with a family around me I still feel like a single especially when it comes to socializing. I don’t get invited to parties anymore. I mean, really, who wants to party with a widow who may burst into tears any moment? Even I don’t want to be around me! Merry Christmas and I hope we all survive the holidays!
Berni Stapleton says
thank you for you raw and honest thoughts, margaret. i am deeply touched. let us try to claim a little of our own joy this year. xo
Marilyn Mackay says
I am standing at the box office to buy a single ticket for Revue. The kindly woman behind the counter shows me the seating chart with all the sold tickets neatly marked with a pink highlighter. Most of the seats have been sold; a few available pairs or even numbered groups are scattered around the back of the theatre. But there, in Row C, Seat 9 is a solitary, empty seat, surrounded by an ocean of pink. Row C, Seat 9 has become the metaphor for my being alone at Christmas. Honestly, if it were possible to fast forward my life into mid January, away from the constant assault of bad Christmas music, advertising and tinsel, I think I would. Thank you Berni for your thoughts….I love your step tree.
Berni Stapleton says
thank you, my dear friend. row c, seat 9 is the perfect metaphor.
Lonely Gal says
This is my third Christmas and New Years alone … after two long term relationships that ended with the guy finding someone younger. I think it takes someone with a strong sense of self to be okay with being alone and still attending all of the celebratory events that take place throughout the year. I haven’t found that yet, despite really trying to be okay with it. I think that at 39, almost 40, it’s gotten too hard to meet new people with all of the social media and the digital age … no one actually really socializes anymore and it seems that men have an inflated sense of entitlement when it comes to finding the woman of their dreams. I kind of wish I lived in a different time. One where people actually talked to others and the level of expectations wasn’t based on societal norms of 2015.
Gwen Rideout says
I really enjoyed your blog it made me laugh. I can relate and it is so true. I have a step ladder in the middle of my room.
Gwen
Christine House says
Great blog Berni, I enjoyed reading it! I think most people have been alone at Christmas & New Years at some point and can relate! I loved reading it and look forward to more!
Alison says
You hit the nail on the head Berni, fabulous post! Favourite line: “it’s really difficult to surprise oneself with gifts unless skilled at shopping when loaded.”
Indeed.
Ron Knowling says
You’re doing fine! Christmas is an emotionally fraught time of year with a lot of expectations piled on top. I have been able to shed a lot of those and now it is an excuse to bake stuff which I like and then roast myself a duck on Christmas Day. I give myself gifts which although I might know what they are I don’t try them on and I still exchange gifts with a few friends and family (who now all seem to live at least 2,000 km away) – family is just a very specific type of Stockholm Syndrome IMHO. Anyway, pat yourself on the back for a good blog post and another Christmas done!
Berni Stapleton says
awesome.
On my own says
BERNIE
I think you were inside my head when you wrote this. I have been a party of 1 for so long, I no longer dream that “this might be the year”. And I want to throw up when I hear friends say I am lucky to be single or that someone will come along when I least expect it. It’s never easy being the third wheel. ..
Happy new year to all the “parties of one”!!!
Joy says
So true…Love your post!